Harper Valley

solicitor general, er, i mean 'public safety' minister stickwell day announced that the CONtrol Party will do away with the 'long gun registry'. this means rifles and shotguns will no longer have to be registered and dick chaney can come up here anytime to draw a 'buddy tag'.

that leaves 'short guns', pistols etc. regulated. BUT WHAT ABOUT MEDIUM GUNS??? everyone leaves out the middle child!

there is growing evidence from the pychiatric world that the cons are using this as a mentallic metaphor:
short guns = ndp and green. socialist basts, keep them under control
long guns = cons. let them be free range (will they lay eggs?)
medium guns = liberals. let's not even talk about them. eliminate them and nary a word will be written.

we hired two shrinks to assess CON-ditudes. from dr. i.m. jeungheart:
"there's no doubt there's metaphorical subconscience with animal rising. besides political party reference it's a classic case of stickwell wanting to keep his own short penis regulated as he's not only insecure about size, but feels a need to stay in denial over his own homophobia, which is generated by placing his same-sex attractions deep into his psyche's closet'.

on the other hand, dr. con von neuremburg says:
'zis is not a matter of ze politician but ze opposing public transferring zere rage against zere fazers. i suggest those who oppose und make fun of zis man undergo experimental vork in montreal vith l.s.d. und perhaps also be sterilized'.

neither dr. would comment about the middle child being left out. jeungheart began crying and von nuremburg said he had to leave for an appointment at parliament mole hill.