July 23, 2006
The Joy of Cooking - Quick Condi Rice
Ingredients: 120 lb. U.S. Secretary of Defense, (can substitute with 120 lb. sacraficial lamb), 1,000 lbs. of carnage, 2 ounces salt, 5 stalks celery, 6 lbs. carrots, 8 pounds lentils.
Directions: Send the main ingredient to the Middle East and let cure for a few days with Patriot Missile smoke. Chop vegetables with arrow and add to cauldron. Once cured, place main ingredient in cauldron. Add salt and stir with wooden spoon. Cook on high temperature for a few daze. Dip ladle in and make sure lamb is cured. If not, send for electro-shock therapy and add 12 boxes of valium. Let steep for years.
This is a difficult recipe as the cure rate of the main ingredient can vary depending on how long it's been in the stockyards. Experiment a few times and as always, the more your love goes into your creation, the better the after taste.