Harper Valley

Those lovable, laudable NEO-CONtraries have been holding out on making an announcement on AIDS/HIV funding as the issue has 'become too politized'. However, my insider at Parliament Hill, Daddy Scout the janitor, faxed me a copy of Harper's proposed plan:

"Our Government will be spending 1 million dollars to give away lapel ribbons on a cross. The best prevention and cure for AIDS/HIV is the Lord Jesus, King of Kings. A further 23 million dollars will go to New Christian churches to do repairs and expansions for all the converts we expect. All money is being redirected from prior Kelowna Accord budgeting. We feel the indigenous problem can also be solved by converting those heathens to worshipping the Lord. The babe in swaddlings should also take care of Vancouver's glut of drug addicts. Healthy prayer to The Lord Gawd Almighty and his immaculately conceived son will do away with all the ills in this country. My wife, Boreen , helped me reach this decision as I struggled for an answer. She said, "Stephen, The Lord and our cat Yahwah will give help you decide". Sure enough, Yahwah said, "Hisssssssssssss" and I knew it meant 'His' way. Thank you, thank you, oh, some kleenex please. Amen."